I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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