if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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