just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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