i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
