If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
