Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
