well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
you never un-have a 4some
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
