ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
