my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
