he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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