dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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