Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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