unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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