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a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
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My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
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Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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