he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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