Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think I am morally bankrupt
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
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He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
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We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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