AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
