Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
is it fun? or sober?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
