I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
In America we eat man semen.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
