i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
