Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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