Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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