Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Then you guys just all showered together...?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
