Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
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do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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