I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
