Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
