When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
