I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
