Got a toothbrush?
My hand turned me down
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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