I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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