he wants to bone in the snuggie
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
