just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
