He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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