i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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