I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
