he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
