I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
