He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
