Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
