OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
