Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I smell stomach acid.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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