so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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