It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
