Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
