Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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