I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
All the doctor said was why
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
