I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
