Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so let's talk penis.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
