so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
