Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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