i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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