I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
