if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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