i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
