bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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