Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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