I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
this will be a night to untag.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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