Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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