i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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