Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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