And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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