Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
