Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
