Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
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He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
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Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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