is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize