A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
