he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize