Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize