i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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