It's like God shit irony all over that family
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
