my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
